- I love irony, but I hate when people misuse it (Alanis Morrisette), so I have a humorous little anecdote to explain it. A close friend of my father’s was an alcoholic (and hilarity ensues). It was to the point that his wife told him she’d leave him if he didn’t get clean. After a long, difficult battle with alcoholism, he was two months sober. He was on his way to an AA meeting when he was hit by a drunk driver and died. hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. but seriously you shouldn’t drink and drive, it hurts people.

- Has anyone else heard that S&M song by Rhianna. Chris Brown’s actions were 100% justified.

- People say comedy is just tragedy remembered (see above), but then why is it that I’m the only one who laughs when someone talks about the Holocaust. Geez learn to take a joke, ya hebes.

- Why’s everyone so obsessed with Justin Bieber? I mean she’s got pretty eyes, but she’s not that great. She’s like a 7.

- Damn, Emma Watson dropped out of college. Looks like I’m not going to go to Brown to stalk, and eventually marry emma watson. My plans of sneaking into her classes, waiting for her to answer a question right, and yelling out “20 points to Gryffindor” are totally out the window. It’s okay though, because I still have my backup up plan of going to Yale and stalking/marrying James Franco.

- I really need to stop being so vague about stuff.

- I’m really depressed about this situation in Japan. For those of you who live under a rock, they were hit by and 8.9 earthquake, higher than any earthquake registered in the US. I mean goddamnit is there anything we can outscore those japs in. But for real keep your head up Japan, because, if my knowledge of natural disasters is correct, in five years your professional football team will win the Super bowl, so at least you have that.

- I can’t wait for madden 12 where you can create a superstar and take control of him as he and the rest of the players union don’t play football, and instead have to go out and search for a normal job.

- I hate when people don’t know how to properly end things, like shows, movies, etc. Like the Sopranos, that pissed me off the way they just cut-off mid

My New Years resolution is to not tell anyone about that lump i found until i get the test results back.

fuck

-I’ve always secretly hoped that the all the t-shirts made by the Disney Corperation are made in sweatshops just because I can’t help but smile at the thought of a nine year old boy, working 22 hours a day for a nickel with his 13 other brothers and sisters while his overseer yells at him about not crying so much because his tears are ruining their shirts, all as he holds up a t-shirt that says happiest place on Earth.

-I always hated when I’d make a joke about cancer, and my brother would look at me and say, “That’s not funny. I had luekemia.” I mean goddamnti Travis, at some point you’re just bragging about it.

-I’ve been thinking recently that maybe everything we call reality might just be a dream, and what we call death may just be us awaking to a different reality with different rules and different laws of physics and different deffinitions of right and wrong, or maybe we are all just one collective subconceous, one mind, and everything we do and everything we say is said because everyone in the world has subconciously agreed that that is what we would do or say. However, before I can come to any conclusions on the matter, A People magazine cover shows a photo of Brittany Spears that hasn’t been airbrushed, and the introspectiveness ends there in favor of more important things.

-Why do Christians wear croses? He’s probably a little bit sore about the whole thing (and not just in his palms). They’re basically just rubbing it in his bearded face. If anyone wears a cross as a symbol it should be the jews, and if Jesus ever does come back they can just hold it up at him and yell, “WHOO! Summer of ‘30. That was the best time ever. Oh and sorry about your loss of motor skills. We knew not what we do. hahahhaha. Am i right?”

-What ever happened to Outkast? I am equally sorry Mrs. Jackson

-I love when a science teacher explains Darwin’s theory of Natural Secletion to their class, because while she talks about how those with favorable traits survive in the world longer and be able to pass on their traits breed more than those with poor traits will, you can always which one of the teacher’s students they thinks should not be alive and should not reproduce.

-Paris Hilton is a cunt who should die of AIDS… there’s no joke there it is just a statement of fact.

haha thanks

probably my laptop, wouldn’t be reading this without it.

I’m always being asked why I don’t believe in god. The answer is mostly because I saw the movie Evan Almighty. Terrible movie. But there are other reasons too. 
Number 1) The god of the bible is a douche-bag. Here’s a short-list of some of the things he did: flooding the earth, destroying whole cities and turning some bitch into salt for watching it be destroyed, fucking joab’s shit up and it was over a bet with the devil.  Yes this all-powerful being made a bet with the crookedest of all bookies. I bet Buddha wouldn’t pull that crap.
Number 2) If god is real, he is terrible at his job. I mean c’mon in the beginning he had four people to watch after. FOUR! and he fucked that up (one of them ended up dead and the other was a murderer). Jesus Christ god. I know 14-year-old pothead babysitters who could watch after four people. And things have only gotten worse since then. Now we have AIDS, cancer, the Ebola Virus, H1N1, popped collars, Michael Bay, rapists, faux hawks, Seth Mcfarlane’s dominance of Fox’s Sunday night line-up and the word chillax.
Number 3) Call me crazy but I’m a little skeptical of an invisable wizard man who lives in the clouds. I don’t know maybe I’m crazy
Number 4) This heaven I’d go to for worshiping this guy seems like a boring ass place to be. This is because there is no sin in heaven. That means an absence of the 7 deadly sins. No lust: that means no sex, at all. No gluttony. Since the purpose of eating and drinking is to give your body the nutrients needed for you to live, and since heaven is an eternal life. You don’t need to eat anything. Anything you would eat would be over-eating. No wrath. That means no breaking shit. No pride. And since many competitive activities cause pride-fullness. those are out. You can’t envy the fact that you could do all this shit on Earth. No greed. This wouldn’t seem all that bad except part of greed is materialism, so u don’t get any belongings, which is bs because even the shitty pharaohs got 2 keep their favorite stuff after they died. This leaves nothing 2 do except sit-around and praise god. Congratulations everyone who goes to heaven becomes a Mormon, and to me that sounds like a fate worse then hell. I’d much rather hang out under-ground in a coffin enjoying the simplest of the sins, sloth. And for those of you die-hard Christians who would love nothing more then an eternity kissing god’s celestial ass, just remember when you’re up there in cloud city don’t trust Lando Calrissian. He has forgotten who he is and he will turn your ass over to Darth Vader ion a Heartbeat.
Number 5) Muhammad can’t take an F-ing joke, I don’t even care about their beliefs that make Christianity look good, but until episode 201 of South Park airs unedited, Muhammad can suck it, and ill even be sure to dip my ball in sand so that Islamic mother-fucker can get a taste home.
Number 6) All the major deities have real human flaws. Christian God has the fuse of an alcoholic wife beater who has us brainwashed that everything is good for us. Muhammad is the same except he can’t take a joke. Buddha can’t follow a diet plan. C’mon Mr. Brilliant even Kevin Federline could do that on Celebrity Fit Club. Are you really gonna be out done by K-fed?
Number 7) Jesus’ miracle’s are kinda weak. You have to believe God is a little disappointed by what he’s done. Oh wow! He walked on water. I saw Kris Angel do that, and he did it with more showmanship as well. 




There are other reasons too, but I’m tired of typing. I hope I didn’t offend anyone as this was simply for me to vent and also answer a few question people have been asking me since I came out of the religious closet, and if I did offend someone out there believe me that I am sorry.